Thursday, June 29, 2017

Second half

In less than an hour it will be the last day of the first half of the year. I have decided to be more deliberate about the coming second half.

I had a template for this entire year, actually. I even began planning it.  But I was...distracted, late last year and early part of this year. I was sorting through a mess and it's only now I find myself sane enough and whole enough and quite nearly out of it.

These past few days I have also been reading up on detachment and minimalism.  I too have been having bouts of restlessness. It is as if everything I do these days is only for my personal (or my family's) gain, or at least, survival. Putting out fires. Containing toxic situations. All my anxiety points me to what I deserve but am not getting. At home, at work, even in the sort-of-relationship that I share with this fellow.

It's a vice, really. A recipe for unhappiness.  I think I will do something about giving more of myself really soon. And then I will forget all illusions of my own importance.

This first half has been a bitch. I want big changes in the coming weeks.

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