To plan and to ponder

2012-12-06 23.05.21.jpg

This afternoon during crunch time at the office, I got a call from the lobby guard who told me I had a visitor.  When I went out front, I saw that it was a former officemate who had since gone to work for another company.

Now, this former officemate and I were never close -- indeed, just acquaintances (and yes, Facebook friends). I was thus surprised when I opened the present my visitor handed out to me: a 2013 Starbucks planner.

I have never missed a planner since 2006.  I am a 3-in-1 instant coffee kind of girl but I have a friend who's a coffee lover and who has deemed it a tradition to give me the first planner she gets from completing her stickers. (This year she boycotted Starbucks. I, too, was indifferent, content with my spring notebook organizer which looks sharp anyway when written on with a 0.2-point gel pen.)

Imagine thus my surprise when I opened the package and saw what it contained.  With the planner came a handwritten note:

"I am giving this to you because I admire you as a woman, as a mom and as a person....I don't really know you and we didn't really talk much before when I was still with (*name of company) but I know that you're a very nice person. And you were nice to me. :)"

I told my visitor afterwards that I liked the planner and LOVED the gesture.

And because of this unexpected act from an unlikely person, I decided to finally put up my Christmas tree this weekend.

I admit I have not been very enthusiastic these past two months or so.  I have been dealing with INSANE pressure to provide for the kids and meet all our obligations despite the disruptions:  My ex lost his job and has not been able to make good on the pre-agreed support, and I lost a writing project even though it was supposed to end in March 2013, NOT October 2012.

I have also been trying to make sense of a "friendship" that has stagnated, and that has been weighing me down instead of inspiring me. I'm a heartbeat away from moving on -- I just have to see him one more time and tell him this.

Of course, to the outside world, even on Facebook, I feel a compulsion to show that I am superwoman. In truth I feel like a small, frightened, sometimes silly girl, instead.

But tonight I decided -- no, I knew -- that everything will soon fall into place.  And so the tree will go up.

Goodwill is not a commodity that you will have less of if you have less money. We show others we make a difference, we inspire and move them, we surprise them.  Whatever your religion is, this is what makes the holidays special. There is just no price tag for that.

So, thank you, J. You knocked some sense into my head today.


Anonymous said…
Oh, Adelle! My heart goes out to you. I hope you can still find time to watch Sting tonight. Hugs & prayers. - Karen