I have recently gone back to praying. There’s something I really want to have and which I think would be good for me. It would help me get rid of unflattering complications, liven up my routine, and perhaps cast a perpetual glow on my cheeks. If this wish comes to pass, then it would be just awe-effing-some.
And so I pray. I have not done so explicitly in the past few years, even though I would like to believe that most of my days (with just a few exceptions!) are a living prayer. I have been completely disillusioned by many leaders of the Catholic church as well as its hypocritical members. I have been emphasizing to the kids that religion is not a WHAT but a HOW. And so I have been sort of doing things the good way, my way.
I do like praying. It gives me solace – and relief. Imagine being able to unburden your thoughts to someone. One cannot pray and feel alone.
And then I stumbled into a problem. It dawned on me that praying is essentially reasoning with God. We tell him what we want – as when a child tells its father what it wants (assuming that they have that kind of a relationship). And what about the repetitive prayers: the rosary, the novenas? These prayers are the same words uttered over and over again. Prayer warriors storming the heavens with their voices? So, is it a numbers game now?
And here we were thinking that God, the Superior Being, knew everything about the world, and about every one of us. Does this mean he needs to be reminded of what is good for us? Does this mean that his will his negotiable? Will the prayers, if repeated enough, nudge him to decide in our direction in the same manner that a parent might throw up her hands in the air and say, “Sige na nga!” before a persistent child.
I think we pray simply because we need to vent – whether or not anybody really is listening, we will never know, but if believing someone does makes us better persons, imbuing us with purpose, increasing our capacity to do the right thing whether or not anybody is looking, then yeah, better to believe. We would never really know if we are right or wrong, anyway.
As to my own wish -- well, pray for me, will you? It might help.